Friday, July 13, 2007

About summer and how cold it is.

Well, we played in Cayucos and then two shows in Paso Robles all for great kids and parents. And then we went camping.

Somehow that whole "summer" thing made me think that since I'm not teaching I'd be able to spit out scads of songs to share--I did, however, not seem to account for the whole "your kids are also not in school, Dear" factor. So we're having a fun summer together, but I'm really hurting for time to work. . .

And then there is the thing of wanting ENOUGH time to do REAL work. My chances to dive into my creative life seems to come in these strange 29 minute increments and I have this constant longing for something like 7 straight hours.

And, of course, it's about BALANCE. Which is an annoying thing to say since even Plato (or somebody old wearing a sheet) already said it. But I mean it in a "not too much sacrifice / not too much much sacrifice" sort of way Sometimes I feel as thought I'm not leaning toward as much as I'm leaning away--I am veering away from the inner deadness that comes when I don't point myself toward my creative life, and then I look over after a while and see that wild-eyed look my children get when I've been physically present but otherwise absent for too long and then I veer back away from the desk and throw myself over there. It's a little whiplashy.

And, I realized too, I've needed a PLACE to work. I was feel all agitate-y and crabbed out and finally my husband had the wherewithal to say something sweet like "Honey, um, what's wrong with you?" And after some flipping about, I realized that I don't have a spot in our house to deem WORKING SPACE and while I'd love for my house to be lovely, my sanity seems more crucial.

So I made one. And it's smack in the middle of my living room. And it's not super cute or anything, but it's a place. And I'm writing here to celebrate it. And even to say something more Streisand-like in the level of drama that I feel about it: I'm celebrating commitment and perseverance for my creative life.

I have been convinced for a good while now that the people who get to live out their creative lives--really live them--pull it off because they decide to. It's not really because they're popular or published or recorded or rich--it's because they decide to. Like those really cold people who are at the top of mountains and about to freeze themselves to sleep but decide to walk out instead.

And this desk in the middle of my living room is my walk out of the cold.

And there's more to say here--about going this creative life with kids; about doing even creative work FOR kids WITH kids--lots more thoughts. More later. My 29 minutes are up.

1 comment:

Amy said...

Oh, yes. Yes, Yes, Yes. Having a spot that is yours makes all the difference in the world.

And yes, it is because they decide to. You are so right.